You Know You're a Hetaera if....

This is HILARIOUS! I was at the home of one of my FAVORITE patrons Diogenes the Cynic, last night and by home (I have no idea where he lives), I mean we were drunk and laying on the steps of the Acropolis at about two in the morning. Anyway, the cynic starts rattling off a list of how you know if you're a hetaera or not...It went like this:

You know you're a hetaera if...

1. you're pretty sure you're smart enough to run the city-state and then you remember you're a woman.

2. You are drunk on the steps of the Acropolis with Diogenes the Cynic.

3. You wake up every morning and the first two things that pop into your head are, "who's this guy?" and "how do I score some breakfast without him waking up?"

4. You know the difference between rhetoric and wit. And it's aaaalll you can talk about.

5. The idea of marrying a citizen and having babies for the Polis is a fate worse than death.

6. You're posing naked for Praxiteles....again.

7. You don't get out of bed for less than 3,000 drachmas.

8. Alexander the Great has your address...and he uses it.

9. At your last trial, the only men coming to your defense are the UN-married ones.

10. You can move around Athenian society totally alone and no one beats you for breaking the law!

Um...sooooooo true! Too funny!

Congratulations To a Very Lucky Hetaera!

Well, Well, Well! A big shout out to my girl Thargelia for an amazing turnout at the symposium last night. Our little aulos flute player has come a long way!

Typically not known for her fashion sense, when Thargelia walked in last night, heads did turn. The first thing I noticed where the new robes and the new silver hair combs. I didn't think much of it at first, but later on in the evening I realized that somebody wasn't posing like a statue and playing her instrument on command like she usually does. It was then that I saw our girl flirting THREE men at the same time. I won't name names, but one's a senator, one is a very well-to-do tradesman and the other is very accomplished philosopher.

That's right, gang! Thargelia has been bought and Paid for by not one, but THREE citizens! I guess, she was so expensive, she needed a corporation to get her attention.

Congratulations, lady! No more sleeping alone in the brothel for you.

LET'S GET ONE THING STRAIGHT!

The worst thing that could happen to a girl like me, happened. Today. In front of the temple of Dionysus. A man, I'm pretty sure he was a slave or used to be a slave. I don't know, but his hands were really rough and mangled, PROPOSITIONED ME in broad daylight, while I was entertaining a patron. I could have died!

I am so sick and tired of people getting us Hetaera confused with those sleazy Pornai! Seriously, I went to school for a long time to be able to play the lyre, recite The Iliad AND feed my lover grapes at the same time.

Okay, People, here it is straight, the Pornai? They are common prostitutes. They exchange sex for money, plain and simple. Sometimes they even have a pimp! Eeeeew!

The Hetaerae on the other hand are the groomed companions of men. We study for years to be able to hold our own in a symposium along side some of the most famous men in the world. We do not accept money for sex acts, we accept gifts for real companionship. If those gifts happen to be drachma, than so be it.

I mean, we pay taxes and can walk around on our own anywhere we want! We're practically citizens!

Does that sound like a pornai to you? I didn't think so.